A Word From The Writer:
Before I type this story up I would like to give a brief explanation of how it came to exist.
Most people will tell you they remember a story that they used to have read to them before they would go to bed when they were a child.
This story happens to be one of them but it didn't come from a book.
When we were kids my little bro had a hard time getting to sleep. I was about seven or eight years old at the time and he was about three or four. I came up with a story that gave us both a laugh and helped the little guy fall asleep. I still find this story humourous today because of the total randomness. It's called the old man story.
Once upon a time, there lived a cranky ass old man with his cranky ass old wife. They lived on top of a big ass hill out in the middle of fuckin no where.
One evening the cranky ass old couple were watching TV. Probably the weather because they were both old as fuck. Anyhow, the cranky ass geezer was all finished up with his TV dinner and decided it was time to go take a dump. As he was slowly walking away his cranky ass old wife hollered out at him, "Don't forget to wash your hands!" The cranky ass man hollered back, "Don't you tell me what to do!"
The old man continued on to what he thought was the bathroom. Unfortunately he did not have his glasses on and failed to read the sign on the door that read TNT. That fucker had no idea what shit he was in for. The door read TNT because it was full of WW2 explosives that the cranky ass man had saved as souvenirs.
As he stepped in to the room he couldn't see a damned thing. He pressed the light switch but nothing happened. He sighed, "Guess I'll just have to pinch this one off in the dark" He pulled his pants down and sat down on a box. This box was no toilet seat. He pulled a lighter out of his pocket and gave it a flick. Before he could even realize what shit he had just got himself in to it was to late. The lighter had lit up a wick which was connected to a bunch of dynamite parked right under his hiney. BOOM! That cranky ass fucker took off through the roof of his house and through the night. The cranky ass woman heard all of this commotion and ran outside. She stood on the porch for about fifteen seconds and then like a bat out of hell her cranky ass husband fell from the sky. He smashed the ground. Stars were spinning around his head and his pants were full of shit. His cranky ass wife hollered out at him, "What the hell did you eat?"
The End
-Nick
Before I type this story up I would like to give a brief explanation of how it came to exist.
Most people will tell you they remember a story that they used to have read to them before they would go to bed when they were a child.
This story happens to be one of them but it didn't come from a book.
When we were kids my little bro had a hard time getting to sleep. I was about seven or eight years old at the time and he was about three or four. I came up with a story that gave us both a laugh and helped the little guy fall asleep. I still find this story humourous today because of the total randomness. It's called the old man story.
Once upon a time, there lived a cranky ass old man with his cranky ass old wife. They lived on top of a big ass hill out in the middle of fuckin no where.
One evening the cranky ass old couple were watching TV. Probably the weather because they were both old as fuck. Anyhow, the cranky ass geezer was all finished up with his TV dinner and decided it was time to go take a dump. As he was slowly walking away his cranky ass old wife hollered out at him, "Don't forget to wash your hands!" The cranky ass man hollered back, "Don't you tell me what to do!"
The old man continued on to what he thought was the bathroom. Unfortunately he did not have his glasses on and failed to read the sign on the door that read TNT. That fucker had no idea what shit he was in for. The door read TNT because it was full of WW2 explosives that the cranky ass man had saved as souvenirs.
As he stepped in to the room he couldn't see a damned thing. He pressed the light switch but nothing happened. He sighed, "Guess I'll just have to pinch this one off in the dark" He pulled his pants down and sat down on a box. This box was no toilet seat. He pulled a lighter out of his pocket and gave it a flick. Before he could even realize what shit he had just got himself in to it was to late. The lighter had lit up a wick which was connected to a bunch of dynamite parked right under his hiney. BOOM! That cranky ass fucker took off through the roof of his house and through the night. The cranky ass woman heard all of this commotion and ran outside. She stood on the porch for about fifteen seconds and then like a bat out of hell her cranky ass husband fell from the sky. He smashed the ground. Stars were spinning around his head and his pants were full of shit. His cranky ass wife hollered out at him, "What the hell did you eat?"
The End
(The Brothers Lee. Im the one in the red. Little bro down low and big bro up top.)
-Nick
